Sunday, August 19, 2012

Fly on, Little Wing.

Well, it has been quite some time since I've posted, and it is with a very heavy heart that I explain why.

I never talked about it on this blog, because I try not to put private matters on here, but my beautiful mother was taken from us on August 10, 2012 at 9:05 PM. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on November 4, and it was so progressive, that her body could not fight it. We were all there, including my sister (and my best friend) who flew up from Savannah. She had been in the hospital for the last several weeks, and the final week was a terrible regression in her health. It was so difficult to watch. I hate to say I'm glad that she passed on, but she was in unbearable pain, and now she's in a better place. I was so lucky to have such a wonderful human being as a mother for almost 26 years. I couldn't have had anyone better. Ever.

How many 9-year-olds can say that they raised three children for their mother who had to work full-time to support them all when her husband was killed in a car crash? My mother was amazing. Three younger brothers she raised as a third-grader. She never really had a childhood. So selfless. She then grew up to be a cardiac nurse, so she was constantly taking care of others more than herself. Same with my grandmother--she was a nurse all of her life, and still takes care of people--at the ripe age of 89! I want to make them both proud of me, because they're both my role models.

The positive I can take out of it is that it definitely pushed me to get my butt in gear. I scheduled an appointment with my advisor at Pitt, and am now re-enrolled to get a degree in Nutrition! I could not be more excited about it. I'm also saving my money and getting my act together to move out with my sister and get an apartment, as well as putting bills in my name and what-have-you. It's going to definitely be a struggle, but it's going to make me a stronger person, I know it. My mother instilled a lot of courage and determination in me, and I need to put it to good use.

She also made me realize how short life can be. Don't spend your life focused on the negative and be as good of a person as you can. I'm going to try to volunteer as much as possible and just try to be a generally kindhearted person. So many people over the past week have told me what a giving and genuine person my mother was--I knew it, and I want that family tradition to continue. My grandmother is also an amazing woman. I have been blessed with so many extraordinary people in my life to lead me in the right direction.

Friends have also been a blessing. Dunno where I'd be without them. They've been there for me through this entire struggle, and pick me up when I'm feeling down. I owe them more than I can give, but I will give them all that I can < 333. My sister is my very best friend and we've been each other's crutch.

Although I had my mother for only a short time, I consider myself luckier than so many others who never even met their mothers or have mothers that neglect or disregard them. She raised me on good morals and values, and I'm going to put those into practice everyday. I will never be as good of a woman as she was, but I'm going to damn well try. Love you, Mama Jo.


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